How To Set Healthy Boundaries

How To Set Healthy Boundaries In Your Relationship

From social media to self-help books, the term 'boundaries' has become an increasingly popular buzzword, dominating the conversation around self-care and mental health in recent years. While setting boundaries is crucial in any relationship, it can be particularly important in romantic relationships, where intimacy and vulnerability are at the forefront. In this blog we are going to explore the importance of setting boundaries with your partner, discuss how to establish and implement your boundaries, and look at specific examples of boundaries you may be considering in your relationship. 

The Importance Of Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves and others in order to protect our emotional, mental, and physical well-being. They are not only important for our own personal growth, but they also help us maintain respect, trust, and independence in our relationships. By setting clear boundaries with our partner, we define what is and is not acceptable and we communicate our needs and expectations. This allows us to maintain a healthy sense of self and establish strong communication within the relationship.  Without setting boundaries, we risk becoming enmeshed with our partners, losing our sense of self, and feeling overwhelmed by their needs and desires.

3 Tips For Setting Boundaries In Your Relationship

Setting boundaries can be HARD, especially if you struggle with people pleasing or have a difficult time saying ‘no.’ You may feel guilty for not taking on another task or worry that your partner will be upset with you if you don’t agree to what they are wanting. However, it’s important to remember that you are not responsible for other people’s feelings and reactions, and that saying ‘no’ sometimes is not only acceptable, it’s necessary for your own wellbeing. 

Here are a few tips to start establishing healthy boundaries in your relationship:

1) Identify Your Needs and Values

Take some time to reflect on what you want and need from your relationship. This could include things like alone time, honesty, communicating expectations, etc. Write your boundaries down in the notes app of your phone as you go so that you have easy access to them in the future when you need to add, modify, or remind yourself of them. 

2) Communicate Your Boundaries 

Once you are clear on what your boundaries are, find a time to communicate them to your partner, or create a plan for how you’re going to communicate them when situations arise that require you to do so. When you share your boundaries, make sure to communicate them in a non-threatening and non-judgemental way, using “I” statements instead of “you” statements (which often come off accusatory). For example, instead of saying “You always cancel plans at the last minute,” try saying, “I feel hurt when you cancel plans with me at the last minute. Can we talk about how we can keep this from happening in the future?”

3) Make It a Habit Not To Give An Answer Right Away

It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and accidentally agree to something we shouldn’t. To keep this from happening, try to make it a habit to not give an answer right away when your partner asks you for something. Instead, kindly let them know that you need to think it over and check your schedule first, and that you will get back to them shortly. This gives you time to check in with yourself, reflect on your boundaries, and make a decision that protects your peace and energy.

Examples Of Boundaries In Relationships

Now, let’s explore some examples of boundaries in romantic relationships. Here are a few ways boundaries can be communicated in conversation: 

• “I need time and space to think about everything that happened.”

• “I’m not comfortable sharing that part of our relationship with others. Please keep that private in the future.”

• “I value your opinion but I am going to make this decision on my own.”

• “If you continue to talk to me that way I will have to walk away.”

• “I can’t commit to that right now. Can we try to find a compromise that works for both of us?”

• “I can understand that you are angry, but I am not okay with you talking to me that way. If you continue to do so I am going to leave.”

Couples Therapy in Kansas and Missouri

For additional support setting boundaries in your relationship or navigating conflict and challenges with your partner, schedule an appointment by calling 913.735.9226 or emailing me at shannon@newnarrativetherapy.org